I simultaneously learned two things this morning:
1. I digest food in less than 24 hours
2. Like corn, carrots can find their way into a dump.
After my standard breakfast of cheerios, I had stomach cramps. I decided to start off with a nice deuce. The first log was long, thick and smooth. Then came the less condensed crap. I got rid of quite a bit. When I checked to see what I had done, I noticed lots of orange carrot bits tucked into the lumps and floating in the water. I had never seen anything like it before. Is that normal, or is there something wrong with me?
Knowing that I digest food in less than 24 hours may help discover what triggers the deuceasters. Or it may just be an odd fact that noone wanted to know. Either way, let's get deucin':
breakfast: cheerios
lunch: leftover turkey taco meat with rice, beans, fat-free sour cream, and a bit of cheese. Carrots and a banana added to the healthiness of the lunch.
dinner: mushroom stuffed ravioli, beef sliders, french cheese on bread, walnuts, and two grapes.
After dinner: 3 glasses of red wine
Dannon Activia was less than appetizing after the wine.
exercise: 35 minutes aerobic after the dump.
stress: none
Dietary supplements: none.
The deuce story: The carrot infused dump in the morning set me straight for the day.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
8-5-08
Breakfast: two bowls of cheerios with lactose free milk
lunch: carrots and turkey sandwich with turkey bacon, lettuce and mayo. Chocolate granola bar for snack.
dinner: taco night! fat-free sour cream, quacamole, turkey taco meat, lettuce, tomato, rice with cilantro and refried beans.
Dietary supplements: the usual with vitamin c and E.
Stress: none
Exercise: None
The deuce story: A big one this morning after breakfast (and after stomach cramps).
lunch: carrots and turkey sandwich with turkey bacon, lettuce and mayo. Chocolate granola bar for snack.
dinner: taco night! fat-free sour cream, quacamole, turkey taco meat, lettuce, tomato, rice with cilantro and refried beans.
Dietary supplements: the usual with vitamin c and E.
Stress: none
Exercise: None
The deuce story: A big one this morning after breakfast (and after stomach cramps).
8-4-08
Well, my little deuce-tectives, we finally have a mystery for you to solve. Yesterday, I felt some rumbles on the way to the airport to pick someone up. It seemed to me that the previous night's alcohol and the car ride were the culprit. Well today, was a problematic day without an obvious cause. Get to work!
Breakfast: cheerios
Lunch: the usual turkey sandwich with the dannon activia yogurt for lunch. Chocolate granola bar as a snack.
Dinner: This certainly didn't help my stomach troubles. It was a baseball game night. so there were 4 summer ale beers and 3 bud lights before during and after a stream of pizza, nachos, pita & hummos. the night ended with a street vendor's sausage with cream cheese (as gross as that sounds for many reasons, it was delicious!)
Stress: A little stress about trying to scalp tickets
Dietary supplements: I honestly don't remember.
Exercise: None
The deuce story. The morning started with a bang. A long painful deuce was dropped after breakfast. Then the stomach was a bit off all day. I had to drop some kids off at the work pool. Then before leaving for the game, I had to expunge two quarter sized nuggets of goodness. Then, on the way to the baseball game, I resorted to Pepto Bismol to save me from the stomach flips. After the trusty PB, I was good to go for the evening. But the day of three deuces and stomach cramps was something I would like to avoid in the future. Any guesses?
Breakfast: cheerios
Lunch: the usual turkey sandwich with the dannon activia yogurt for lunch. Chocolate granola bar as a snack.
Dinner: This certainly didn't help my stomach troubles. It was a baseball game night. so there were 4 summer ale beers and 3 bud lights before during and after a stream of pizza, nachos, pita & hummos. the night ended with a street vendor's sausage with cream cheese (as gross as that sounds for many reasons, it was delicious!)
Stress: A little stress about trying to scalp tickets
Dietary supplements: I honestly don't remember.
Exercise: None
The deuce story. The morning started with a bang. A long painful deuce was dropped after breakfast. Then the stomach was a bit off all day. I had to drop some kids off at the work pool. Then before leaving for the game, I had to expunge two quarter sized nuggets of goodness. Then, on the way to the baseball game, I resorted to Pepto Bismol to save me from the stomach flips. After the trusty PB, I was good to go for the evening. But the day of three deuces and stomach cramps was something I would like to avoid in the future. Any guesses?
Sunday, August 3, 2008
8-3-08
At first, I felt no ill effects from yesterday's evening. A few cramps led to a big dump before the day even started. Then...
Breakfast: two bowls of cheerios
Lunch: Macaroni and cheese
Dinner: Burrito (with sour cream, refried beans, rice, cheese, guacamole, no meat)
After dinner: Dannon Activia
Stress: I was the passenger in a car ride to the airport. I felt nervous about the car-ride for whatever reason. Played classical music to relax the bowels.
Deuce story: The stomach kept flipping in the car, but no deuce emergency. When I got the airport (we were there to pick someone up), I chose to go in and drop my deuce rather than risk a painful, long journey home. In haste, my zipper popped open and broke. I then had to drive back with a guest and my baggage exposed. not cool.
Breakfast: two bowls of cheerios
Lunch: Macaroni and cheese
Dinner: Burrito (with sour cream, refried beans, rice, cheese, guacamole, no meat)
After dinner: Dannon Activia
Stress: I was the passenger in a car ride to the airport. I felt nervous about the car-ride for whatever reason. Played classical music to relax the bowels.
Deuce story: The stomach kept flipping in the car, but no deuce emergency. When I got the airport (we were there to pick someone up), I chose to go in and drop my deuce rather than risk a painful, long journey home. In haste, my zipper popped open and broke. I then had to drive back with a guest and my baggage exposed. not cool.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
8-2-2008
Brunch: eggs with turkey bacon and a slice of american chese on wheat.
after brunch snack: Dannon Activia Yogurt with granola
Dinner: hamburger with blue cheese and french fries and one chicken finger with bbq sauce
AFter dinner: pear martinis! Very manly and tasty.
Big mistake: after feeling sleepy, I decided to chug a zipfizz beverage. this is a energy drink powder that you add to water. Shortly after, I got on a bus. The semi-nervousness of transit and the caffeinated beverage had my stomach in a bit of lurch. After dinner, I had some explosive gas. But no deuce story, so I guess it wasn't as big of a mistake as I thought it was going to be.
Exercise: 20 minutes aerobics and then weights (after breakfast and deucing)
Stress: none
The deuce story: A nice deuce experience punished the bathroom. Smooth and semi-soft. No problems. Fortunately, the load drop-off occurred before exercising. The stomach discomfort later in the evening was taken care of with some air bombs.
after brunch snack: Dannon Activia Yogurt with granola
Dinner: hamburger with blue cheese and french fries and one chicken finger with bbq sauce
AFter dinner: pear martinis! Very manly and tasty.
Big mistake: after feeling sleepy, I decided to chug a zipfizz beverage. this is a energy drink powder that you add to water. Shortly after, I got on a bus. The semi-nervousness of transit and the caffeinated beverage had my stomach in a bit of lurch. After dinner, I had some explosive gas. But no deuce story, so I guess it wasn't as big of a mistake as I thought it was going to be.
Exercise: 20 minutes aerobics and then weights (after breakfast and deucing)
Stress: none
The deuce story: A nice deuce experience punished the bathroom. Smooth and semi-soft. No problems. Fortunately, the load drop-off occurred before exercising. The stomach discomfort later in the evening was taken care of with some air bombs.
Friday, August 1, 2008
8-1-08
The first of August brought another regular day.
Breakfast: cheerios
Lunch: Chicken Teriyaki with brown rice and a salad.
Afternoon snack: fat-free wheat pretzels and a granola bar
Dinner: a mixture of leftover pasta with a homemade sauce (week-old cottage cheese, cream cheese, Frank's hot sauce, BBQ sauce, Kraft American cheese single, Oatmeal, a touch of shredded cheese, and onions) and chicken. I realized the onions smelled awfully bad after I had put a few in the sauce. So if I fall ill, rotten onions would be a logical guess. I brought the sauce to a boil, so hopefully that killed any of the smell-causing agents.
After dinner: Activia Yogurt with shredded wheat
Dietary supplements: the usual plus a vitamin C because I am feeling a touch under the weather.
Exercise: 30 minutes aerobic and sit-ups before breakfast.
Stress: none
The deuce story: two smooth logs graced the bowl after breakfast.
Breakfast: cheerios
Lunch: Chicken Teriyaki with brown rice and a salad.
Afternoon snack: fat-free wheat pretzels and a granola bar
Dinner: a mixture of leftover pasta with a homemade sauce (week-old cottage cheese, cream cheese, Frank's hot sauce, BBQ sauce, Kraft American cheese single, Oatmeal, a touch of shredded cheese, and onions) and chicken. I realized the onions smelled awfully bad after I had put a few in the sauce. So if I fall ill, rotten onions would be a logical guess. I brought the sauce to a boil, so hopefully that killed any of the smell-causing agents.
After dinner: Activia Yogurt with shredded wheat
Dietary supplements: the usual plus a vitamin C because I am feeling a touch under the weather.
Exercise: 30 minutes aerobic and sit-ups before breakfast.
Stress: none
The deuce story: two smooth logs graced the bowl after breakfast.
7-31-08
This was a nondescript day. To be perfectly honest, I am writing it the day after and I have to push my brain to scour the memory banks to bring to you any of the details.
Breakfast: none
Lunch: the usual turkey sandwich (no tomato) with fat-free wheat pretzels, almonds, and two granola bars (I had to make up for skipping breakfast).
dinner: A chicken pasta dish
After dinner snack: Activia Yogurt
Exercise: None
Dietary supplements: the usual
The Deuce Story: Normal deuce in the morning. Some fierce farts at night
Breakfast: none
Lunch: the usual turkey sandwich (no tomato) with fat-free wheat pretzels, almonds, and two granola bars (I had to make up for skipping breakfast).
dinner: A chicken pasta dish
After dinner snack: Activia Yogurt
Exercise: None
Dietary supplements: the usual
The Deuce Story: Normal deuce in the morning. Some fierce farts at night
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