Breakfast: started with a bowl of barbara's oats cereal with milk. But the milk tasted spoiled so I threw it all out and just had the barbara's oats dry. The expiration date was September 17th, so it made no sense.
Lunch: Turkey sandwich, farley's fruit snacks, almonds, and carrots
Dinner: Mushroom tetrazini made with the milk that I believed to be spoiled.
After dinner: Dannon Activia
Dietary supplements: the usual.
Exercise: 30 minute aerobic and weights
stress: i was a little concerned that the "spoiled milk" would cause trouble on the bus.
The deuce story: My stomach was jumping a bit on the bus, but no real problems. A small deuce was dropped before departing for work and after exercise.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
8-11-08
Breakfast: cheerios
Lunch: the leftover indian food of butter chicken and rice.
After lunch snack: carrots and a banana
Dinner: the last of the ribs pulled off the bone and served on wheat bread.
After dinner: dannon activia with fresh rasberries
Exercise: 30 minutes aerobic before breakfast
Stress: a little deuce related stress that I'll explain in a moment
Dietary supplements: C, E, multivitamin and salmon oil pills
This is day 27 of the Dannon Activia Experiment. So far, I have the same general feeling that I had when I first started Align GI. My world has definitely improved. The only question is whether align gi had the same positive effect and then tailed off or if the improvement from constant deuce-asters to not-so-great was perceived the same way as the end of align experience to the beginning of the activia experiment. Not sure if that made sense, but the bottom line is, I feel better than I could ever remember, I have a bad memory, and that is why the deuce diaries got started....to see if Dannon can save me.
The deuce story: I was in a rush to get to work so I couldn't wait for the deuce to come out before leaving. As soon as I left the door, I got nervous that the absence of my morning ritual would ruin my day. My stomach got a little cramped and uncomfortable with the thought of having to run off the bus to crap in the woods. But no crap happened. When I got to work, the deuce anxiety subsided and so did the deuce feeling. I was able to survive until after lunch before I decided to deposit two hard plops into the work bathroom. I am having a few cramps in the evening, but nothing unbearable.
Lunch: the leftover indian food of butter chicken and rice.
After lunch snack: carrots and a banana
Dinner: the last of the ribs pulled off the bone and served on wheat bread.
After dinner: dannon activia with fresh rasberries
Exercise: 30 minutes aerobic before breakfast
Stress: a little deuce related stress that I'll explain in a moment
Dietary supplements: C, E, multivitamin and salmon oil pills
This is day 27 of the Dannon Activia Experiment. So far, I have the same general feeling that I had when I first started Align GI. My world has definitely improved. The only question is whether align gi had the same positive effect and then tailed off or if the improvement from constant deuce-asters to not-so-great was perceived the same way as the end of align experience to the beginning of the activia experiment. Not sure if that made sense, but the bottom line is, I feel better than I could ever remember, I have a bad memory, and that is why the deuce diaries got started....to see if Dannon can save me.
The deuce story: I was in a rush to get to work so I couldn't wait for the deuce to come out before leaving. As soon as I left the door, I got nervous that the absence of my morning ritual would ruin my day. My stomach got a little cramped and uncomfortable with the thought of having to run off the bus to crap in the woods. But no crap happened. When I got to work, the deuce anxiety subsided and so did the deuce feeling. I was able to survive until after lunch before I decided to deposit two hard plops into the work bathroom. I am having a few cramps in the evening, but nothing unbearable.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
8-10-08
Breakfast: two bowls of cheerios with bananas
Lunch: Leftovers from yesterday's all-American meal! complete with the cake too. Heaven!
Dinner: two more ribs as an appetizer and stir-fried vegetables in a spicy peanut sauce
after dinner: dannon activia.
Exercise: none. I have been lazy.
Stress: none. I didn't even leave the home.
Dietary supplements: vitamin C, E, multivitamin and salmon pills
Dannon Activia Experiment continues.
The deuce story: I dropped a non-descript crap this morning after breakfast today. No fireworks from the influx of dairy.
Lunch: Leftovers from yesterday's all-American meal! complete with the cake too. Heaven!
Dinner: two more ribs as an appetizer and stir-fried vegetables in a spicy peanut sauce
after dinner: dannon activia.
Exercise: none. I have been lazy.
Stress: none. I didn't even leave the home.
Dietary supplements: vitamin C, E, multivitamin and salmon pills
Dannon Activia Experiment continues.
The deuce story: I dropped a non-descript crap this morning after breakfast today. No fireworks from the influx of dairy.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
8-9-08
So I thought the Indian food was eaten without incident. But, I was clearly wrong. Last night as I went to bed I felt the red hot curry lava scorching the intestine as it flowed through my bowels, destroying everything in its path. An occasional gas explosion was followed by a burning movement of the curry chicken. I was awakened several times with screams for help from my innards. But there was nothing I could do. The curry wasn't ready to come out, it just wanted to torture me. Read on to see the shocking conclusion of the Indian food event.
Brunch: Homemade egg muffin. Cheese, fat-free cream cheese, turkey bacon and scrambled egg on wheat english muffin.
Dinner: An awesome dinner! Ribs, mac& cheese, 7-layer salad and oreo ice-cream cake for dessert. Let's see if I pay for that cake tomorrow.
Beer: 3 or 4 coronas with lime
midnight snack: Dannon Activia yogurt
Exercise: none
Dietary supplements: none
stress: the car issues that I'll discuss in a moment
The deuce stories: When I woke up this late morning (around 11), the pain of the curry had subsided. I felt a bit of a load ready to come out and I obliged at my earliest convenience. Surprisingly, there was no burning sensation or anything. Just a normal, good consistency deuce. I thought the day would go just find and I would survive the Indian food. But then I made a mistake. I drove. I guess the theory that driving makes me subconsciously nervous and consciously deucy has some merit. I had just an 8 minute car ride to the grocery store. Within the second minute, I felt the stomach problems. I played relaxing classical music. I counted backwards from 100, but there was nothing I could do to keep my mind off of it. I got to the grocery store and purchased what I needed. There was another stop I was going to make on my way home, but the feeling of the deuce made me rethink the plan. Instead I headed home, dropped off the groceries and dropped off a load. Now I would think that if it were entirely mental, my deuce may have been 'rrheal or small. But this was a legitimate dump. It was a semi-bowl filler. And it all came out in one fell swoop. So I don't know if it was the indian food, the car ride, or just a deuce that needed to come out. But again, I found myself changing my life because of the dump. Not cool. The good news is, the deuce was an accomplishment and I am probably a few pounds lighter.
Brunch: Homemade egg muffin. Cheese, fat-free cream cheese, turkey bacon and scrambled egg on wheat english muffin.
Dinner: An awesome dinner! Ribs, mac& cheese, 7-layer salad and oreo ice-cream cake for dessert. Let's see if I pay for that cake tomorrow.
Beer: 3 or 4 coronas with lime
midnight snack: Dannon Activia yogurt
Exercise: none
Dietary supplements: none
stress: the car issues that I'll discuss in a moment
The deuce stories: When I woke up this late morning (around 11), the pain of the curry had subsided. I felt a bit of a load ready to come out and I obliged at my earliest convenience. Surprisingly, there was no burning sensation or anything. Just a normal, good consistency deuce. I thought the day would go just find and I would survive the Indian food. But then I made a mistake. I drove. I guess the theory that driving makes me subconsciously nervous and consciously deucy has some merit. I had just an 8 minute car ride to the grocery store. Within the second minute, I felt the stomach problems. I played relaxing classical music. I counted backwards from 100, but there was nothing I could do to keep my mind off of it. I got to the grocery store and purchased what I needed. There was another stop I was going to make on my way home, but the feeling of the deuce made me rethink the plan. Instead I headed home, dropped off the groceries and dropped off a load. Now I would think that if it were entirely mental, my deuce may have been 'rrheal or small. But this was a legitimate dump. It was a semi-bowl filler. And it all came out in one fell swoop. So I don't know if it was the indian food, the car ride, or just a deuce that needed to come out. But again, I found myself changing my life because of the dump. Not cool. The good news is, the deuce was an accomplishment and I am probably a few pounds lighter.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Deuce Comments
The deuce diaries has become a phenomenon. Like a wet diarrhea, it has spread out, not just over a toilet bowl, but the world! That may be an exaggeration, but Deuce fans from 30 countries have tuned in to see the power of excrement. And this has created a problem. The fans of the Diaries have a right to be heard, yet blogspot hides their comments from everyone but the most astute and curious deuce diarrheader. So in this entry, I would like to highlight some of the comments that have made my day.
1. "J-dub" shared a personal deuce-aster story that rivals the El Jardin fiasco. I'll expand the brief comment into a full-fledge story. It was a cold winter night. Maybe not a cold winter night, but a night nonetheless. Unless J-dub is an alcoholic and the bar events occurred during the day. But either way, it was a experience out in a bar. Dressed to the nines, J-dub had an undershirt for sweat and odor protection, underneath his stylin black button-up shirt. With his hair gelled, J-dub was out on the prowl with one mission in mind: bring home a lucky (or unlucky) lady for a night of coital interaction. Having moderate success talking to the ladies, but not extreme success, J-dub had a frightful moment. Whether he accepted it or not, there was a beast inside his bowels that wanted to be let loose. Rather than battle it out and take the risk that this beast would soil his pants and his evening, J-dub did what many a man has regrettably done. He hurried to the den of disgustingness, the bar bathroom, to let loose the deuce. Whether he was too involved in his mission of getting skranky or he was desperately losing his battle to cage the bowel beast, he did not pay attention to one important detail...There was no toilet paper in the bathroom. So I have learned, that the Deuces Wild is not the only person to come across such a nightmare. But determined not to let a crap ruin his night, he came up with a plan. Did he use his underwear and then go commando? No. Did he take "matters" into his own hands? No. He rolled up his sleeves and got to work. He ripped off the sleeve of his oh-so-precious Calvin Klein white undershirt and cleaned his area. It was a moist deuce, so his work was not yet complete. He then ripped off the other sleeve and completed the business (that last part is an extrapolation from the brief comment). Now, with a sleeveless undershirt, he we unrolled his sleeves of his fancy overshirt and got back to the dance floor to continue on with his mission. And some lucky gal that evening must be thankful for a little ingenuity on J-dub's part that prevented a smell from lingering over their tryst.
2. From anonymous poster: "I understand what its like to have something in your body that you can't control. I can't help but pass gas when I'm nervous. I enjoy reading your blog it brightens my day, really. Hope you have a great day." To this poster, I say thank you. This is what keeps me going. Sharing the highs and the lows of this uncontrollable demon in my body. We are not alone.
3. From an anonymous e.mail, I have discovered a fan. Apparently, someone from http://www.bofads.com stumbled across the Deuce Diaries and made a joke about it on their site's story about baseball injuries. I don't support all that bofads has to offer, but I like the reference. Whoever you are and however you found me, keep it up.
4. clphillips in reading about the bar bouncer who guarded my deuce, had a clever comment. A clever play on the word chaperon, he proclaimed the bouncer was my craperon. A great play on words from a great diarrheader.
5. Having to admit I am a little vain, I googled "the deuce diaries" to see what would come up. I have finally made it to the top! Yee-haw. The world likes to hear about dumps. But the weirdest find was that someone somehow correlated the discovery of the deuce diaries to the discovery that John Edwards cheated on his cancer-fighting wife with a really ugly woman Rielle Hunter.
I am honored that coming across the deuce diaries can have such a profound impact on someone's life.
So I encourage all of you to keep the comments coming. You too can have your name and story in lights.
Like the first deuce after a buffet, I have a lot more crap coming. You've still yet to hear about the popsicle sticks and the doctor's "fix" to the Bluddeanous Period. We have yet to get to the best story ever told: Mickey D's. And there are plenty more deuceasters in between. So buckle your seatbelts and prepare to enjoy the ride. And share the Diaries with your friends, post the link on your chatrooms, make jokes about it on your website. Whatever you have to do to make sure that the world knows it is okay to have deuce drama.
1. "J-dub" shared a personal deuce-aster story that rivals the El Jardin fiasco. I'll expand the brief comment into a full-fledge story. It was a cold winter night. Maybe not a cold winter night, but a night nonetheless. Unless J-dub is an alcoholic and the bar events occurred during the day. But either way, it was a experience out in a bar. Dressed to the nines, J-dub had an undershirt for sweat and odor protection, underneath his stylin black button-up shirt. With his hair gelled, J-dub was out on the prowl with one mission in mind: bring home a lucky (or unlucky) lady for a night of coital interaction. Having moderate success talking to the ladies, but not extreme success, J-dub had a frightful moment. Whether he accepted it or not, there was a beast inside his bowels that wanted to be let loose. Rather than battle it out and take the risk that this beast would soil his pants and his evening, J-dub did what many a man has regrettably done. He hurried to the den of disgustingness, the bar bathroom, to let loose the deuce. Whether he was too involved in his mission of getting skranky or he was desperately losing his battle to cage the bowel beast, he did not pay attention to one important detail...There was no toilet paper in the bathroom. So I have learned, that the Deuces Wild is not the only person to come across such a nightmare. But determined not to let a crap ruin his night, he came up with a plan. Did he use his underwear and then go commando? No. Did he take "matters" into his own hands? No. He rolled up his sleeves and got to work. He ripped off the sleeve of his oh-so-precious Calvin Klein white undershirt and cleaned his area. It was a moist deuce, so his work was not yet complete. He then ripped off the other sleeve and completed the business (that last part is an extrapolation from the brief comment). Now, with a sleeveless undershirt, he we unrolled his sleeves of his fancy overshirt and got back to the dance floor to continue on with his mission. And some lucky gal that evening must be thankful for a little ingenuity on J-dub's part that prevented a smell from lingering over their tryst.
2. From anonymous poster: "I understand what its like to have something in your body that you can't control. I can't help but pass gas when I'm nervous. I enjoy reading your blog it brightens my day, really. Hope you have a great day." To this poster, I say thank you. This is what keeps me going. Sharing the highs and the lows of this uncontrollable demon in my body. We are not alone.
3. From an anonymous e.mail, I have discovered a fan. Apparently, someone from http://www.bofads.com stumbled across the Deuce Diaries and made a joke about it on their site's story about baseball injuries. I don't support all that bofads has to offer, but I like the reference. Whoever you are and however you found me, keep it up.
4. clphillips in reading about the bar bouncer who guarded my deuce, had a clever comment. A clever play on the word chaperon, he proclaimed the bouncer was my craperon. A great play on words from a great diarrheader.
5. Having to admit I am a little vain, I googled "the deuce diaries" to see what would come up. I have finally made it to the top! Yee-haw. The world likes to hear about dumps. But the weirdest find was that someone somehow correlated the discovery of the deuce diaries to the discovery that John Edwards cheated on his cancer-fighting wife with a really ugly woman Rielle Hunter.
I am honored that coming across the deuce diaries can have such a profound impact on someone's life.
So I encourage all of you to keep the comments coming. You too can have your name and story in lights.
Like the first deuce after a buffet, I have a lot more crap coming. You've still yet to hear about the popsicle sticks and the doctor's "fix" to the Bluddeanous Period. We have yet to get to the best story ever told: Mickey D's. And there are plenty more deuceasters in between. So buckle your seatbelts and prepare to enjoy the ride. And share the Diaries with your friends, post the link on your chatrooms, make jokes about it on your website. Whatever you have to do to make sure that the world knows it is okay to have deuce drama.
8-8-08
Today is the triple 8s. I bet a lot of people are getting married. And the Beijing Olympics are about to get underway. I care a lot less about the Olympics since they switched to an every two year format (alternating between Winter and Summer). When it was every four years, it was something special. I think NBC's lame coverage of the games also weakens the excitement for me. CBS always did a better job. But you are reading this blog to find out my opinion on sports, are you? You are here to read about the deuce.
Breakfast: two bowls of cheerios with lactose free milk
Lunch: Butter chicken from an Indian restaurant with basmati rice and naan (indian flatbread). It was delicious. And it will put my theory to the test.
Mid-day snack: chocolate granola bar
Dinner: I cooked a nasty meal. It was supposed to be cheesy mushroom pasta. But it was just gross. Fat-free cream cheese, fat free sour cream, fat free lactose free milk, one kraft american single, hot sauce and BBQ sauce. The fat-free cream cheese ruined it. Didn't taste good and it was too thick of a consistency. Perhaps more milk, more cheese or less fat free cream cheese next time.
After dinner: parmesan goldfish crackers.
Dannon Activia experiment continues. I am starting to lose track. I'll have to go back through the diaries at some point to give an updated count.
Exercise: None
Dietary Supplements: salmon pills, multi-vitamin, vitamin C and Vitamin E.
The duece story: I waited longer to start my day to make sure I got the deuce out. It was a normal deuce if not a bit on the small side. After the Indian food, I remembered that it makes me crap. That got my stomach jumping a touch. I don't know if it was the indian food or my nerves about the indian food that got it going. But no deuce followed. We'll see how it burns tomorrow.
Breakfast: two bowls of cheerios with lactose free milk
Lunch: Butter chicken from an Indian restaurant with basmati rice and naan (indian flatbread). It was delicious. And it will put my theory to the test.
Mid-day snack: chocolate granola bar
Dinner: I cooked a nasty meal. It was supposed to be cheesy mushroom pasta. But it was just gross. Fat-free cream cheese, fat free sour cream, fat free lactose free milk, one kraft american single, hot sauce and BBQ sauce. The fat-free cream cheese ruined it. Didn't taste good and it was too thick of a consistency. Perhaps more milk, more cheese or less fat free cream cheese next time.
After dinner: parmesan goldfish crackers.
Dannon Activia experiment continues. I am starting to lose track. I'll have to go back through the diaries at some point to give an updated count.
Exercise: None
Dietary Supplements: salmon pills, multi-vitamin, vitamin C and Vitamin E.
The duece story: I waited longer to start my day to make sure I got the deuce out. It was a normal deuce if not a bit on the small side. After the Indian food, I remembered that it makes me crap. That got my stomach jumping a touch. I don't know if it was the indian food or my nerves about the indian food that got it going. But no deuce followed. We'll see how it burns tomorrow.
8-7-08
The carrots made a reappearance this morning, but were more discrete this time. So it wasn't a one time occurrence. Other than that the day was normal.
Breakfast: cereal.
Lunch: chicken teriyaki with brown rice
Dinner: chopped salad (green onions, turkey bacon, egg, noodles, blue cheese, chicken, tomato, avocado and low fat honey mustard dressing)
after dinner: dannon activia with granola.
Dietary supplements: salmon pills, multi-vitamin, vitamin E and vitamin C
Exercise: 30 minutes aerobic after the dump.
The deuce story: The long compact log was released in the morning. As I said, there was carroty goodness in there. Then I had to make another deposit after lunch. I was a bit gassy at night, but nothing that would evacuate a room.
Breakfast: cereal.
Lunch: chicken teriyaki with brown rice
Dinner: chopped salad (green onions, turkey bacon, egg, noodles, blue cheese, chicken, tomato, avocado and low fat honey mustard dressing)
after dinner: dannon activia with granola.
Dietary supplements: salmon pills, multi-vitamin, vitamin E and vitamin C
Exercise: 30 minutes aerobic after the dump.
The deuce story: The long compact log was released in the morning. As I said, there was carroty goodness in there. Then I had to make another deposit after lunch. I was a bit gassy at night, but nothing that would evacuate a room.
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