brief return 11-11-08

I apologize to all those who heralded my triumphant return after a month long hiatus only to wait a month and half until the next deuce diary entry. Its been a busy few weeks. And in the meantime, my anus has taken a pummeling. Tiring of yogurt (there are only two flavors that are any good and those have gotten old), I resorted to switching off between yogurt, align, and nothing. I've missed days and tried to make them up with two yogurts, a yogurt and align, or two aligns the following day. Not good. Fortunately, there have been only two near-deuce-in pants experiences that I can remember. Neither of which were exciting enough to bring me to blog about it. But both filled the bowl after coming dangerously close to filling my boxers. In between these deuceasters came blood in the toilet bowl, anal explosions, constipation and diarrhea. So life has not been good since I have tired of the yogurt. I am at a cross-roads where I need to decide whether to suck it up and eat my yogurt regularly, or live in fear of painful or uncontrollable craps.

So my latest purchase has the potential to bring me back to the computer to share about my deuces. I was given a scale that I can weigh myself on. I had nowhere to stash it, so I placed it in my bathroom. While this was done without thought, it did generate a genius idea. I weighed myself when I got it. Then ate a big meal and accidentally stepped on the scale when I went to urinize. I discovered that I gained 1.4 pounds from my meal. And I discovered that a scale in the bathroom is the most genius invention ever. It spawned a new plan: first a championship-style weigh-in before a bout with the toilet, followed by a measurement after the release of some excess baggage, coupled with a bit of mathematical calculations and hooha I will be able to report to you how big the dump is in exact terms. Imagine the possibilities.

So deucefans, I promise to try harder to bring you the news of the deuce. And I still have a few stories you need to hear. Mcdonald's, anal probes, ass amoebas and so much more. So thanks to my loyal fans for hanging in there. more is to come.