8-14 to 8-17

Well folks, I took the wrong time to take a deuce diary hiatus. There were some bowel issues that I was just too busy to write about. So I'll do my best to create the knowledge from my fuzzy memory.

8-14
Probably had the regular breakfast.
Lunch: a delicious sandwich! Artichoke hearts with curry, curry mixed with mayo, turkey and gouda cheese on wheat bread. Yummy.
Dinner: Turkey burger with guacamole, low fat mayo, potentially expired feta cheese (cooked with the burger on the grill) and lettucce
After dinner: yogurt.
Stress: none. It was a beautiful day. Sat out on the balcony and relaxed with some beers. 4 beers to be exact. A Kolsch-style beer if that helps the sleuths out there.

The deuce story: a non-descript deuce that has eluded my memory.

8-15
Breakfast: barbara's oats cereal
Lunch: Turkey sandwich with lettuce, low-fat mayo, provolone cheese and guacamole.
Dinner: chicken stuffed with olives and feta cheese (not the expired kind). Pasta salad on the side.
After dinner: Dannon activia with fresh berries.

Stress: none

The deuce story: Now this deuce was memorable. Whether before breakfast or shortly after, I remember unleashing a fury upon the toilet. A massive deuce of perfect consistency was gently evacuated from my intestines. It was easy, although it left a horrible odor that persisted for nearly a half hour. I figured all was right with the world. No ill-effects of the curry or the potentially expired feta cheese. But that would not be the case. I decided to leave work early because it was a beautiful day. I was heading home when I felt as if my colon were a cannon that just got loaded. Out of nowhere, and without pain or warning, I came to the conclusion that I had a bomb in the hatch that needed to be released. There wasn't extreme urgency accompanying this feeling, but I would not dawdle on my way home.

When I did get home to give birth to this new child of mine, I went straight for my library. There I read the latest issue of People magazine and felt my anus get scorched by the curry concoction made in my stomach. This was not a comfortable experience.

8-16-08
breakfast: the usual
lunch: leftover turkey burger with reduced fat cream cheese, sprouts and guacamole.
dinner: at a football game, I chowed down some disgustingly dried out chicken fingers, french fries, a bbq pork sandwich and more french fries, and 5 bud light beers.

Stress: none
Exercise: 25 minutes aerobic after breakfast
The Deuce story: I remember feeling slightly uncomfortable, as if the deuce effects continued, but unfortunately I don't remember the specifics. I think I dropped it like its hot after exercising and it wasn't a comfortable spread. But again, the details of the day are vague.

8-17-08
Breakfast: wheat english muffin with american cheese, turkey bacon, and egg
Lunch: black beans with pork and rice.
Dinner: Grilled Portobello mushroom on wheat bread with reduced fat cream cheese, sprouts, and blue cheese. Leftover pasta salad on the side.

The deuce story: A big one. It came out smooth and easy. It also filled the bowl. But I finished this one with a little more discomfort than I began. It seemed smooth and easy. However, soon after, it felt as if a pole had been shoved up my butt. I don't know what that actually feels like, but this is how I would imagine that to feel. I had a little trouble walking or sitting. As the day progressed, though, I have returned back to normal. So that is good news.