I simultaneously learned two things this morning:
1. I digest food in less than 24 hours
2. Like corn, carrots can find their way into a dump.
After my standard breakfast of cheerios, I had stomach cramps. I decided to start off with a nice deuce. The first log was long, thick and smooth. Then came the less condensed crap. I got rid of quite a bit. When I checked to see what I had done, I noticed lots of orange carrot bits tucked into the lumps and floating in the water. I had never seen anything like it before. Is that normal, or is there something wrong with me?
Knowing that I digest food in less than 24 hours may help discover what triggers the deuceasters. Or it may just be an odd fact that noone wanted to know. Either way, let's get deucin':
breakfast: cheerios
lunch: leftover turkey taco meat with rice, beans, fat-free sour cream, and a bit of cheese. Carrots and a banana added to the healthiness of the lunch.
dinner: mushroom stuffed ravioli, beef sliders, french cheese on bread, walnuts, and two grapes.
After dinner: 3 glasses of red wine
Dannon Activia was less than appetizing after the wine.
exercise: 35 minutes aerobic after the dump.
stress: none
Dietary supplements: none.
The deuce story: The carrot infused dump in the morning set me straight for the day.
How to Enjoy the Deuce Diaries
Like a bad CSI episode, this blog will keep you guessing until the last minute. I will bring to you the past, present, and future of my bathroom emergencies. I encourage you to post your own stories, express your sympathies, or make suggestions to make my life better under the comments after any blog that moves you. If you are looking for the sheer entertainment of the truthful near-deuce (in pants) encounters, then read the "Deuce-aster stories." If you are looking to play the guess what's triggering the irritable bowel syndrome home game, read the "Daily Diet and Deuce Effects" posts which are labeled by date. In these posts, I will describe what I ate and what level of stress or nervousness I was dealing with. But like searching through a big dump after eating a few Chipotle burritos, you will find some kernels of goodness in these posts. This is because my life is a constant adventure. My stomach is like Mount Vesuvius, ready to explode at any moment and bring hell upon any day. Therefore, you just might find another entertaining story about the runs. And you may be Sherlock Holmes and find the way to stop this menace!
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