Deuce Comments

The deuce diaries has become a phenomenon. Like a wet diarrhea, it has spread out, not just over a toilet bowl, but the world! That may be an exaggeration, but Deuce fans from 30 countries have tuned in to see the power of excrement. And this has created a problem. The fans of the Diaries have a right to be heard, yet blogspot hides their comments from everyone but the most astute and curious deuce diarrheader. So in this entry, I would like to highlight some of the comments that have made my day.

1. "J-dub" shared a personal deuce-aster story that rivals the El Jardin fiasco. I'll expand the brief comment into a full-fledge story. It was a cold winter night. Maybe not a cold winter night, but a night nonetheless. Unless J-dub is an alcoholic and the bar events occurred during the day. But either way, it was a experience out in a bar. Dressed to the nines, J-dub had an undershirt for sweat and odor protection, underneath his stylin black button-up shirt. With his hair gelled, J-dub was out on the prowl with one mission in mind: bring home a lucky (or unlucky) lady for a night of coital interaction. Having moderate success talking to the ladies, but not extreme success, J-dub had a frightful moment. Whether he accepted it or not, there was a beast inside his bowels that wanted to be let loose. Rather than battle it out and take the risk that this beast would soil his pants and his evening, J-dub did what many a man has regrettably done. He hurried to the den of disgustingness, the bar bathroom, to let loose the deuce. Whether he was too involved in his mission of getting skranky or he was desperately losing his battle to cage the bowel beast, he did not pay attention to one important detail...There was no toilet paper in the bathroom. So I have learned, that the Deuces Wild is not the only person to come across such a nightmare. But determined not to let a crap ruin his night, he came up with a plan. Did he use his underwear and then go commando? No. Did he take "matters" into his own hands? No. He rolled up his sleeves and got to work. He ripped off the sleeve of his oh-so-precious Calvin Klein white undershirt and cleaned his area. It was a moist deuce, so his work was not yet complete. He then ripped off the other sleeve and completed the business (that last part is an extrapolation from the brief comment). Now, with a sleeveless undershirt, he we unrolled his sleeves of his fancy overshirt and got back to the dance floor to continue on with his mission. And some lucky gal that evening must be thankful for a little ingenuity on J-dub's part that prevented a smell from lingering over their tryst.

2. From anonymous poster: "I understand what its like to have something in your body that you can't control. I can't help but pass gas when I'm nervous. I enjoy reading your blog it brightens my day, really. Hope you have a great day." To this poster, I say thank you. This is what keeps me going. Sharing the highs and the lows of this uncontrollable demon in my body. We are not alone.

3. From an anonymous e.mail, I have discovered a fan. Apparently, someone from http://www.bofads.com stumbled across the Deuce Diaries and made a joke about it on their site's story about baseball injuries. I don't support all that bofads has to offer, but I like the reference. Whoever you are and however you found me, keep it up.

4. clphillips in reading about the bar bouncer who guarded my deuce, had a clever comment. A clever play on the word chaperon, he proclaimed the bouncer was my craperon. A great play on words from a great diarrheader.

5. Having to admit I am a little vain, I googled "the deuce diaries" to see what would come up. I have finally made it to the top! Yee-haw. The world likes to hear about dumps. But the weirdest find was that someone somehow correlated the discovery of the deuce diaries to the discovery that John Edwards cheated on his cancer-fighting wife with a really ugly woman Rielle Hunter.
I am honored that coming across the deuce diaries can have such a profound impact on someone's life.

So I encourage all of you to keep the comments coming. You too can have your name and story in lights.

Like the first deuce after a buffet, I have a lot more crap coming. You've still yet to hear about the popsicle sticks and the doctor's "fix" to the Bluddeanous Period. We have yet to get to the best story ever told: Mickey D's. And there are plenty more deuceasters in between. So buckle your seatbelts and prepare to enjoy the ride. And share the Diaries with your friends, post the link on your chatrooms, make jokes about it on your website. Whatever you have to do to make sure that the world knows it is okay to have deuce drama.