7-30-08

The day started off with a deuce...deuce diary entry that is. I had to dot the i's and cross the t's on a few dumping blogs I have yet to post. Thinking and talking about deucing did not have the effect of creating the deuce. The dominating performance yesterday must have cleared out the bowels. But patience paid off. A little breakfast and a little exercise and we were rockin' and rollin'. Of course you'll have to read on to hear about the good news.

Breakfast: Two bowls of shredded wheat with lactose free milk. No blueberries this time because I have finally finished the biggest box of blueberries ever.
Lunch: Same sandwich as yesterday. Also, a half peanut butter sandwich on the wheat bread.
Dinner: Carribean tapas restaurant. Interesting and delicious place! I don't know half of what I was eating. Jerk Chicken (not to be confused with choking chicken), pork ribs, fried plantains, french fries and tamales. Topped off with banana chocolate cake. Yum! and of course enjoyed with two mojitos. Afterward, it was on to see the movie Dark Knight. An enjoyable film, made even more enjoyable by the fact that we watched it in a brew and view. There I enjoyed a Tanqueray and Tonic and at least a half bottle of red wine (syrah for the wine snobs).

Exercise: 30 minutes aerobic after breakfast and before the deuce. I think I burned extra calories by having a full load.

Dannon Activia: Here's one of the problems with the Yogurt as anal regulator trial. Its good with blueberries as an after dinner dessert. It is downright disgusting as drunk food. I am currently writing this blog while trying to digest the wine and the yogurt. Its not going so well. There is a battle, it seems, for the right to stay in my stomach. Hopefully the loser will be sent slowly through my intestines rather than back from whence they came. I do not feel like barfing yogurt tonight. That may come as a surprise to you, but it is a gut feeling that I wouldn't like such an experience. And it would be double punishment, because then I wouldn't have the probiotics to fend off the alcohol-induced violent deuces. And besides, yogurt vomay is one of the worst kinds. I would put the worst throw-ups as: 1. Scotch 2. Hot sauce 3. Yogurt. Seriously, scotch is the worst. It burns far more coming up as it does going down. Back to yogurt... I don't know what it is about it, but I just hate the yogurt squirts where it hurts. Something about the slimy texture. I better stop writing about this subject, because it is lowering my chances of keeping it down.

Dietary supplements: none.
Stress: none. i did drive to and from work. I don't know if its related, but there is a deuce story involved.

The Deuce Story: After waiting patiently, I was given the gift of deuce. It took just a little bit of work to get the ball rolling, and then like the gates of heaven for a saint, my sphincter opened to allow the passage of stool. At first, I thought it was nothing. But when I was done, it was truly something to sing about. Or at least I did sing about it in the subsequent shower. My deuce just filled the bowl/don't know how it all fit through my hole/ but I had a deuce to sing about/just sat down and it all came out/I sat back and let it loose/Now I'm so proud of my big deuce. I don't remember what tune that was sang too. I think it was a Deuces Wild original composition.

Sorry to those of you whose image of me I've just shattered.

In any case, I had a deuce to sing about and my life seemed fulfilled. I drove to work with no gurgles or other deuce issues. In driving home, I was stuck in traffic and had a few farts to release. Knowing I would be drinking tonight, I decided to drop another deuce shortly after I got home. Correlated to the driving? I just don't know. This time, the toilet's haul was nothing to write home about. Just a simple little quarter-sized shot that either had been in storage since the morning or had been placed in the hatch over the course of the day.

--a mildly drunk Deuces Wild