The beginning of the "Deuce Era"

I trace the roots of the "Deuce Era" back to when I was 17 (eleven years ago). Historians may dispute whether this was in fact the dawn of the new era, but it is in fact the first rectal malfunction that I can remember. My friends and I were on an undisclosed mission that made me quite nervous. It was then that my first memory of "the Gurgles" occurred. I felt the rumbling of the stomach and I felt trouble. We pulled into a gas station near where the mission was to unfold. Unfortunately, the nerves hit and I had to lighten my load. The gas station was closed and we weren't near a bathroom. The hot flashes of the imminent deuce overcame my body. I scouted a spot behind a garbage dumpster where I could relieve my colon of its demons. To my dismay, it was too well lit for me to function privately. I went back to the car thinking we could go home and call the whole thing off. But the gurgles hit even harder. I desperately searched the car for something to use for when the deed was done. I couldn't do the mission with squishy pants. I came across a paper back edition of Great Expectations. Perfect! Reading material and toilet paper all in one. My English teacher would be proud that I put Dickens to such good use. Pants at the ankles, and hands on the dumpster, the liquid fury was dispensed upon the asphalt. The story goes on to police wondering what we were doing in a closed gas station and why there was human excrement so close to our vehicle. But what matters most is this was the beginning of a new era: The Deuce Era. And it was about to get worse. A lot worse.